Humor

Of Time and Space

Image | | antilandscaper

I collect clocks and watches

For I can’t seem to keep Time

Clocks all around the house

Each set to slightly different Time

A minute forward here

A couple minutes set back there

So as I wander

Around my home

I have that sense

Of traveling thru Time and Space

Side-note: the clock by my door is always set

4 minutes ahead,

so as I’m leaving

I tend to feel like I’m running late

In a Fog

Image | | antilandscaper

I’m in a Fog today

Can’t seem to find my mind

Looked on the ground it wasn’t there

Thou I realized I was wearing one left shoe,

one right boot

I have been to the PO and to the mall

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Oh, I think I better head home

Maybe my mind is there ?

Or at least, there should be one right shoe and/or one left boot

Note to self: add more light where you get dress

Never Go to the Food Store When Hungry

| antilandscaper

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Will power crumbles
When the stomach grumbles
Sinful aisles with their siren songs
Chip, cookies, sugars and fats that the weaken longs
One goes with purpose, right choices made on a full tummy
When the stomach rules the brain the full cart shows who’s the dummy
“Never go to the food store when hungry”, mothers’ warn
As hungry minds circle the the confection delights display in a swarm

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Upgrades and Apps. of Love

| antilandscaper

I originally heard this on NPR’s ‘Car Talk’ years ago and found a print-out while cleaning out old papers and figured I share

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and have noticed a distinct slowdown in overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0 and NBA 3.6.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems to no avail. What do I do?

Signed
Desperate
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: “C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME” to download Tears 6.2 which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

Remember, though, that overuse of above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1, Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly 10.8. Whatever you do: DO NOT install Mother in Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary Husband 1.0 is a great program, but does have limited memory and cannot learn new Applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7

Good Luck,
Tech Support

car talk

Snow Days

| antilandscaper

We in the Northeast are being blanketed with snow, schools and businesses cancelling today. Better not to be on the road.

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I think back to a time a while ago, to a time when children lived at home, a time of a different life.
A time before internet or cable TV, when the only way to hear school cancellations was to listen to a local ‘Country & Western’ station.
My then wife and I both worked and had to leave the house before our then young girls had to go outside and wait for the school bus.
Early in the morning, is not the time when any of us were up the Country & Western tunes to play thru-out the house, so we tried to time it when we put the radio on to listen for school cancellations.

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Well, one such morning when a storm was in the forecast, but yet had appear, my girls turned on the radio for the school closings and it was announced that their school was going to be closed, so they headed to the radio to shut it off, when their mother said to leave it on just in cast her work place was going to close, hoping against hope. But before the announcer got to that, he mentioned that it was Tuesday, yet my then wife and I both realized that it wasn’t Tuesday, rather it was Thursday, so what’s up?
To put the finishing touch on this story, it turns out the our dear, loving wonderful girls had taped (in the days’ of cassettes) another days’ school closings with the idea of using it on a day of their liking, when they might be able to get over on us.
Busted, made to go to school over cries and protests.
Two laughing parents driving into work on a day when a storm that never came

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