Humor

I Duck Taped My Wife

Image | | antilandscaper

Years of living with someone

It’s a Yin and Yang thing

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Compromise  with a kiss on the cheek

Anger, yet cuddling in bed

Hand holding or rolling of one’s eyes

Yet there are times

Like when the wife asks you to duck tape her

How excited the thought is, I’m sure that is no surprise

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No, no, no, no

Don’t let your imaginations run wild

For it wasn’t anything like that!!

Let the picture below, make it perfectly clear

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A dress form made for an individual

So long as the evening snacks are limited

A duct taped wife without a head, covered up for modesty sake

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To repeat those words of a sort-of famous neighbor to the north

Canada’s Red Green loosely translated

“If you can’t fix it with duct tape

It’s probability not worth fixing”

 

 

Happiness and Good Luck?

Image | | antilandscaper

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They say the Blue bird brings happiness and that my be so.

Usually I’m glad to see one

Yet when it flies around your parked car day after day

Acting like it wants to keep getting into the closed windows

You have to wonder why?

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Then you realize when you go to take out the car

That as it has been flying around the car

It has been pooing all over the sides.

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They say that a bird pooping on your  person, car or property

Supposedly it brings good luck,

Not sure where that myth, or superstition comes from

But I wonder is the good luck mine or the car rental business?

 

In a Fog

Image | | antilandscaper

I’m in a Fog today

Can’t seem to find my mind

Looked on the ground it wasn’t there

Thou I realized I was wearing one left shoe,

one right boot

I have been to the PO and to the mall

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Oh, I think I better head home

Maybe my mind is there ?

Or at least, there should be one right shoe and/or one left boot

Note to self: add more light where you get dress

Cold Feet

Image | | antilandscaper

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The sun is surely in the winter doldrums
Its’ shows up late every morning
And leaving early at the end of the day
With no enthusiasm to share any of its’ warmth

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What about the rest of us
Caught up in the sun’s cyclical moods
Having to face all on our own
Arctic cold fronts,
Cars that won’t start
Furnaces that won’t shut off
With cold feet, cold hands and faces
And (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder

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Yes we could leave
Enticed by family and friends
Who boast of warmer climes
Of topical islands
Lust and green

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But what about the others
Who have to remain behind
Now that the holidays are over
Who can they complain too?
What is misery if it can’t be shared
So we stay put
With the other fools
And do our countdown
To when the sun may change her mood

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Curious Friday: Revealing the My True Self to Me

Image | | antilandscaper

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It has been said “in life as social creatures
What we reveal to others of ourselves
Is the view of what we ourselves’
Wish Ourselves to be”
Noble, honest, caring and intelligent
Not to be better than others
But at least as good

Yet throw in a Natural Resource Stewards’ Christmas party
With a Tacky Xmas Present Swap
A dancing chicken who has made an appearance two years in a row
And the core myself crumbles at its foundation
For I want the chicken, wanted last year too.
What does that say about me?
Who am I deep down within my essence?
If I had seen it in the store, I would never think to buy it.
So why want it? Was it the Egg Nog?
And what about the others that were there,
What do they think of me now?

So now the dancing chicken is mine, at least for a year
Until it is re-gifted, brought back to where it came from
Thinking of ways to repair the damage of one self’s image
Maybe write a book “A year in the Life of a Dancing Chicken and Me”
Something meaningful, something redeeming
Something that puts me and the dancing chicken in a better light

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Dancing chicken and friends

A Standard Time

Image | | antilandscaper

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It’s been pumpkins
Goblins, princesses,
Zombies and more
No control with left-over candy
Snow in the forecast
And now time changes
A mind in overload
An internal clock
In conflict with the outside world
Two times zones trying to adjust

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Against the back drop
Of winters’ approach
When the night overcomes the day
And the sun at its’ height
Provides no warmth
Maybe I go back to bed
To wake in the spring
We’ll see how the day goes
To give my brain time
To rewind
To set back or forth
To a standard time

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Time Zone Funk